The damage is too unbearable – part one

Me, Lee Sue Seng, decided to write this true story that happened to me. This story is also dedicated to a lady that used to be close to me for 18 months, and she is gone from me forever. This story is most likely about me, and it is a confession of guilt that will be the greatest lesson in my life. The story is much easier if it begins with below pictures:

 
 

    

 

All pictures seem normal, but she’s not my girlfriend. She is my ex and she was attached/married. We used to have flirty messages between May 2015, a month before I was assigned to Penang until August 2015. The fact that we back into contact since we were separated was somehow caused by my own. It was Friday, and I went to Desa Park City sport center to have my racquet stringing as it will be used on the next badminton night. The process basically need 2 hours, as there are few racquets to be done. By the time the racquet is handed, I planned to head back to home and come back after 2 hours. Coincidence, my car’s battery was dead. I called few people to help me. I called my bro, Simon and also one of my friends who work in workshop, George. Somehow, luck was not on my side, I need 2 hours before George able to help after he called back. As there is 2 hours to be waited, I browsed through my contact list, I somehow decided to called my ex and chat a few words, having a thought to tell her that I will be heading to Penang. Knowing she is around the area, I ask her to drop by Desa Park City to have a farewell yum cha session, and somehow she was okay. Everything was normal, until a moment where I asked “what if I put my hand your hand?”. Yes, I admit I am playful and jerk, but somehow she pulled off her hand before I am able to do so. It was purely a playful act, but it was the beginning where all the things gone wrong.

On 7 August, a week after my gf and I back from Hong Kong, a WhatsApp pops up and it was my ex, asking me how was the HK trip. She knew my HK trip during our very last meet up at DPC. All conversation was recorded as above, and it contents some explicit and sexual-intended flirty messages. In other words, it’s called sexting. I admitted that it was for fun, but I never have a single thought of having sexual affair with her. However, for a normal girl who read this, it is hard to believe for what we had not done. It was filled by disgusting and filthy piece of shit, what could be more my own girlfriend will think? The conversation itself has a huge destruction power, which could permanently damage a heart of a girl who put her whole heart in me. I have labelled myself as a bastard, a person who lied to my own girlfriend, not the first time, second time, or third time. It was the fourth time. All chances are given, and yet, I chose to lie to her. The first, second and third time was a different girl, and it is same scenario where I had flirty messages with her, but never meet up. It’s a mentally/emotionally contact, yet no physical contact. For my gf, it considered worse than physical betrayal, because it leave a thorn inside her heart forever. I am not only betrayed her, but I have broken my trust again and again, and again.

Confronting the truth she showed me, I have no words to say. From day 1 my ex contacted me back, I have no intentions to delete the whole conservation, which is same happened for the first three times. The reason I did not deleting the WhatApps, is not I am being careless and forgot to delete, it is because from my idiotic mind, I feel it is not necessary because I thought it was just for fun, and as long as there is no physical contact, I have nothing to hide, and this is why I have been caught for 4 times. I could have deleted the messages, if I wanted to, but I didn’t. I knew someday my gf will check my phone, but my reluctant to delete the WhatsApp, would have sufficient enough to get myself killed right now. I was playing with fire, and finally, the fire got me. I guess by looking at the conversation, no one will believe (except some of my closest friend who see the conversation) it was just for killing time and for fun, it sounded like there is a sex scandal is going on. All these consequences will definitely cost a lot, which included being beaten up, stabbed, slashed, killed, car smashed, head smashed, lost job, and house vandalism.

That night, I witnessed my gf cried with my own eyes. I am too terrible as I caused her asthma strikes back. I made her suffocated and fall on the ground. I made her struggle from me. I forced her to the level that she couldn’t take it anymore. The damage is too unbearable.  I am not only hurt her, but I pissed her off by deleting all her tablet stuffs, which including the video regarding the conversation. Frankly, I may have grab her phone by brute force and crash it, but it just never happened because, it will definitely worsen the situation, as the fault is on my side. It will be useless…and it is going to be absolutely pointless at that moment. I calmed down, and handed back to her, and caused her head injured by accidently knocking her head on the wall. It was really bad. For what I have done, is all wrong. I caused her to lose all important notes and payments as I formatted her tablet. There is no way she could forgive and forget what had happened. The only way I could do, is to accept whatever words she throw to me.

Perhaps I do not have to write all this up. This whole thing might look a made up story, or it could make the whole situation even worse, but I do not have to hide anything for myself anymore. I am not seeking for any forgiveness, but to learn what is supposed to do and what is not. If this article is being shared, I do not mind, because the moment I write this, I already prepare myself for anything. Mentally/emotional betrayal or physical betrayal is a betrayal end of the day. It doesn’t seem to have any differences. I ready to have the karma. For whatever happened, it will reflect back to myself. Everything happened for a reason and it just the matter of time.

Love is a decision, the moment I choose her, means I decided. At one time, I really thought we would/ we could be able to go through this period. But this time, it’s her decision not to love me anymore. Simply means, I am going to lose her forever...

to be continued..   

幸福の车站

HAHAHAHAHAHA, yea, they seem happy and bless. No doubt, they have been stay together for 3 years, we can't deny that some magic happened between them! They shared food, toilet, oxygen and lift each other when they down. They game together, and watch movie together. SO sweet :) We are so jealous with them. As they managed to get together after so many bitter and difficulty they went through, we (CN), wish they will stay happy, and cheerful forever and EVER !!!!

Well well well, let's take a look on the original photo we have here:

Yep, you have the original photo here. Hee Hee, hope the editing amuse you all. By the way, it just for fun, if there is something i pissed you off, i apologize ya!! CHEERS~~~

"I already accept you as a whole"

As Sean waiting for his holiday, he can't wait to spend his time with Sarah. In Sean mind, the first thing he wants to do is to give Sarah a warm hug, to make her smile and happy. For Sean, nothing is better than seeing Sarah, although Sarah teases him and make joke of him every time she sees Sean. Instead, Sean feels glad that he could make Sarah laugh all the time.

For the days they met, Sean wished the time could stop and the wonderful moment could stay forever with him and wished that Sarah could stay beside him forever. Sarah shared a lot of things with Sean, from hilarious dream experience to Sarah's background, and how tough she's gone through. Sean felt touched as she willing to share her life experience with him because, she doesn't simply share her story with others, and he felt happy as he had chance to understand more about Sarah's life.

Not only story telling between Sean and Sarah, during the holiday, Sean went to Sarah house to teach her how to cook grain meal that will make her even prettier and healthier. Although the method and experience is taught by Sean's mother, the meal is successfully cooked by themselves and it tastes goooooood too. For the first time Sean cooks for Sarah, he's having a thought to cook for Sarah the second time.

Precious moment always does't stay long, as Sean thought, he wished the moment can be extended, to stay beside Sarah all the time he has. Sarah, on the other hand, has questioned Sean about his feeling towards her. There's a time when Sarah asked Question A, Sean answered Question B, to simplify the situation, it's called "wrong channel", to further simplify, it's called "Sean's Stupidity", which make Sarah pissed off and eventually causes upset moment to be raised up. For Sean's Stupidity, he knows that he should not make Sarah feels upset in the 1st place, but yet, he's too stupid to make her thought wandering around for few days.

No one knows, the truth that Sean told Sarah is trust-able. The statement made by Sean, although it's true, it's not strong enough to make her believes. Maybe Sarah thinks too much, or maybe it's Sean fault to mislead the situation.

Sean knows, it's not easy to convince others to hold your hand and starts new journey, it needs time. For this reason, he came up with an idea to blog this whole things up so that he can express the word that deep inside him, as Sarah said he's not good in talking sweet. Sean could understand her dilemma of making choice, and tolerate to keep away from her when her phone is about in the air...because Sean has accept Sarah as a whole in his life. Sean doesn't want to see her upset just because of that, and so he keep it silently. How Sarah knows the taste of being kicked out? I guess only Sean know about it. What Sean was thinking that time, nobody knows.

Sean would like to say to Sarah: "I already accept you as a whole"

When the timing isn't right

"I wish i could reached 5 minutes later". A guy named Stanley said to himself after he saw something that he would not happy to see. Stanley was just finished his work and wished to meet his girlfriend for a warm laughter and smile, which could make his day worthy after a tiring day of moving from one place to another.

As he traveling, he was thinking "it's gonna be a good if i could see her for just a moment, just a moment may satisfy my heart." As his heart filled with excitement, he's having another thought "Yea, hopefully she's not asleep yet, even she does, she looks cute with his blur-blur face, she's adorable".

30 minutes later, he reached Samantha's place, not exactly in front of her door, he stopped at another corner, so he won't alert Samantha even she's asleep. Stanley took out his handphone and called Samantha. One after another call, nobody answers it. The moment he felt weird, he looked to the 2nd floor where Samantha's room is located, it's well-lit and there are no signs of sleeping.

"Klack, klack". Stanley heard one of the house gate's open and the noise of putting on the slipper, but Stanley wasn't sure which house the sounds from until he saw Samantha came out from the house. However, for Stanley surprises, Samantha came out with another guy. Stanley know the guy was Samantha ex, from what he could remember his face from social networking page. Stanley's mood turned 180 degree up-side down, and his mind was triggering out the pre-assume answer why Samantha did not answer the call.

As the guy came across Stanley, he stared at Stanley as he does remember who is Stanley too, but what Stanley did was just pretending to keep calling his girlfriend and acting busy. He did not know why he's avoiding the eye contact with the guy, but it sure pointless to look at him too. A minute later, Stanley phone rang, he answered the phone and now he has 2 options:

1. to say that he's waiting for her downstair and hope to see her, after Samantha met her ex.

2. to say he's just back from working, reached home safely and ask her not to worry.

Curry Chicken and BBQ chicken

About 3 - 4 years ago, i met a girl called Candy when i was working as a salesman in my ex-company. She's around 165cm, a bit chubby, nice-to-talk person, and the most attractive part, was her cooking skill. No doubt, she's a very very good in cooking. What makes me remember her until today was her curry chicken she cooked during a joint promotion with Panasonic home appliances, where she demonstrated on how to use a high-tech microwave (worth around RM2300). On top of that, she made some cup cakes for the event. At first thought, she could ask her mom to prepare for her since she said the food was prepared earlier before the event promotion started. However, after the 2nd day and 3rd day, i started to believe that the foods are actually made by herself. Having the nature of a boy/guy, i asked for her number by using an excuse to find her next time she's having an event. Not just that, i asked for friendster as well, as facebook is not that famous that time.

Well, after getting her number, i'm not even make a call to her, but just browse through her friendster and...that's all. XD. However, i really wish to see her again, in the perception of friend and her food. All these years, every time saw her online (which is extremely seldom), i surely will ask the same question "where and when is your next event?", but i never had a chance to find her though, just remember how good her curry chicken was back then.

Until today, i met her coincidence in the CIMB fair hold at Mid Valley Convention Center. Surprisingly, she doesn't look chubby anymore, she's more to standard level of a 20+ looking girl, simply means, good looking. She told me she wasn't suppose to work here, instead she just replacing her friend who did not manage to come, and today was the only day she appears in the fair..and i was like "wow, how lucky i am!". As what Chinese phrase mention "got faith sure will meet someday". Well, without any glance of thought, i asked "what's cooking today?", as my eyes focusing on the butter cake placing on a plate she was preparing.

"huh, just cake only? i miss your curry chicken..."
"erm, no ar, later i'll make BBQ chicken."

*wink wink*. . . .she said BBQ chicken?? XD. Looks like i really really lucky today. For the sake of BBQ chicken, i waited for 30 minutes, wandering in and out the booth, chat with old colleague i found there, watch demo movie, chat with her..and finally, i have my gluttony started. Even with just few slices, manage to satisfy me. No doubt again, she's good in preparing food. We had good chat even though it was our 2nd time we met, and accompany her to take her car key, went back to her counter, and finish the whole plate of chicken slices before i left.

On the way back home, i was thinking:

"As people met, it's fate god created to us. Isn't it good if we appreciate the friends around us? Isn't it good if we appreciate friendship we bonded in past? Isn't it good if we appreciate the love that we found, and the people that love us? No matter who we are, we shall appreciate the one who appears in your life, it's fate. As fate gone, there's no use to regret that time."

Arthur's Day 2010

Beer !! The only word to describe Arthur's Day. In the memorial of Arthur Guiness (1725 – 23 January 1803) , a brewer who found the Guiness brewery business, Arthur's Day is the day where beer session and music event with international singer performance is organized. However, some of us do not familiar with this event.

"Arthur's Day refers to a series of music events which were first organized in 2009 to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the Guinness brewing company by its owner Diageo plc, using Freud Communications as public relations co-ordinators." [Wiki]

On that particular day, i was invited by the event organizer as VIP for the event, to be precisely, to my company. We have 10 VIP tickets on hand where the tickets will be distributed to whom interested on it, i definitely will get one of the tickets as i'm the one who consigned the LCD for them to support the event. But in condition, i'm the one who responsible to collect the LCD back in the end of the event.

Everyone seems excited, leaving the office as soon as the Hari Raya Dinner organized by my company. The event started at 8pm. As everyone left the company, i have to stay until 8.30pm because there are jobs to be done. Well, having no choice, i have to go alone and only meet up with them upon arriving. Once i reached, i gave a call to my colleague; he didn't answer, i sms-ed him; no reply too. Ride on to the worst, it was raining on that night, leaving me with a group of strangers under a hut while having a cup of lonely smooth malt drink.

Finally, the rain stopped, i'm able to snap some photos on the event, and some happening moment on that day.

Picture taken inside of the Sunway Lagoon.

The platform i found once i reached to the destination.

Event is already start

No idea what band is this.

Sei Fei Zai Sean Kingston

Sei Fei Zai Sean Kingston threw his sweaty towel to the audience, I wouldn't grab even he gave me one.

Overall view of the concert

New York Lounge

Tokyo Lounge

Dublin Lounge

Some Hot Chicks i manage to captured with SONY compact WX1:

In the middle of the event, some light air balloon was released to the audience as add-on to the event. However. . .

Audiences were so busy with the balls and neglected the stage performance. Attention was distracted by the balls.

Around 11pm, A big guy approach the stage with his gang and sang his famous song.

Eh, who was that?

Yep, that's Flo Rida~

"Low low low low.." the only song i know.

The event was ended with some blasting of fire cracker, which it doesn't impressed me as i saw too many of fire cracker during Chinese festival, and more close-up than this 10 times.

I thought i could leave the event on time, but unfortunately, i stayed until 2.30am just to collect to LCD i consigned to the event organizer, reach home at 3.30am, slept at 4am. It's not cool to having fun alone in the crowd, but it surely a nice experience to had lonely beer alone with such astonishing performance. Total beer taken: 4 cups of 120ml.

Don't Want To Lose You

1. Your Eyes
2. Your Smile
3. Your Laughter

The 1st three things i remember you the most.

4. Smart
5. Bright
6. Intellectual

The next three things that you impressed me.

7. Your Hand
8. Your Touch
9. Your Lips

The 3rd three things i can't forget bout you.

10. The way you talk to my heart
11. The way you tickle my heart
12. the way you melt my heart

The 4th three ways you took my heart away.

13. "Are You OK or not?"

The single phrase you used every time you tease.

14. "Stress"

The single word that go through my mind when i read your name.

15. Candle

The one i want you to be in my life, light up my life and become my companion when I'm in darkness.